It would be impossible for anyone to believe it. My mother threw herself onto the floor on Saturday, on her pacemaker.
She desperately needs help, but even the attempt to help her is responded to with verbal abuse.
After getting up and getting her rice krispies, making tea, then taking her shopping, my father asks me if I want tea, only to be yelled at by her, he can get his own.
I can understand my hate for the world now.
Monday 20 June 2011
Friday 17 June 2011
Day one and counting
Another nightmare, and very little sleep.
I feel I should explain some of the things in regards to why I am doing this.
My life is filled with hate, this is no ones fault but my own really, but I do honestly hate most things and people, I feel when it comes to the English it isn't hard to hate them and the rest of the world does agree with that, English travellers are the ones every country hates to see arrive.
My mother is the same way, she had bragged about the fact she is proud of how she, these are her words "beat the shit out of me when I was little", she used to do it all the time, she is a hateful woman, if at all possible to cause harm or human misery she will find away.
Her response to anything is, "Why the fuck should I?"
I once asked her to be happy for me when I was with a woman I really loved, that was her response.
My father just takes it, he still works because it gets him out of the house, he is in his mid/late 70s, as is my mother.
I can not blame my mother, she is the way she is and always has been, no Doctor has ever picked up on her mental problem, she does have a problem I have made tapes which I have provided to Doctors who all think she is, but meeting her to talk to her about it would only draw violence, and this everyone wants to avoid.
I know I can never meet anyone or have any form of meaningful relationship because of how I feel, it does not take long for me to become filled with hate for something or someone, and anyone who wants to be around me will not put up with this, and honestly I would not ask anyone to put up with it.
The way that I am, and have been treated means I tend to meet or have relationships with people who are exactly the same as my mother, thus the nightmares, these are about a woman I was with 10 years ago, and just the thought of her scares me to death, she was worse than my mother, I have no idea why, but I was played, and because I am passive and want to help, when I hear a story I step up, I can help you, even when I cannot, and thus I am trapped.
Since then I have met one other women who had serious mental problems as well, these where known and she was on pills, but she stopped taking her meds, and we all know what that means, still that I can not regret I guess, if I made her feel good enough that she thought she could deal with the world, but sadly she couldn't.
I am truly set upon this idea now, I had thought about suicide years ago, I know the spot, the place I want to be, I could go there and I know no one would be around, and it would be peaceful.
My mind set, I just have to struggle through another year. Day one down...
I feel I should explain some of the things in regards to why I am doing this.
My life is filled with hate, this is no ones fault but my own really, but I do honestly hate most things and people, I feel when it comes to the English it isn't hard to hate them and the rest of the world does agree with that, English travellers are the ones every country hates to see arrive.
My mother is the same way, she had bragged about the fact she is proud of how she, these are her words "beat the shit out of me when I was little", she used to do it all the time, she is a hateful woman, if at all possible to cause harm or human misery she will find away.
Her response to anything is, "Why the fuck should I?"
I once asked her to be happy for me when I was with a woman I really loved, that was her response.
My father just takes it, he still works because it gets him out of the house, he is in his mid/late 70s, as is my mother.
I can not blame my mother, she is the way she is and always has been, no Doctor has ever picked up on her mental problem, she does have a problem I have made tapes which I have provided to Doctors who all think she is, but meeting her to talk to her about it would only draw violence, and this everyone wants to avoid.
I know I can never meet anyone or have any form of meaningful relationship because of how I feel, it does not take long for me to become filled with hate for something or someone, and anyone who wants to be around me will not put up with this, and honestly I would not ask anyone to put up with it.
The way that I am, and have been treated means I tend to meet or have relationships with people who are exactly the same as my mother, thus the nightmares, these are about a woman I was with 10 years ago, and just the thought of her scares me to death, she was worse than my mother, I have no idea why, but I was played, and because I am passive and want to help, when I hear a story I step up, I can help you, even when I cannot, and thus I am trapped.
Since then I have met one other women who had serious mental problems as well, these where known and she was on pills, but she stopped taking her meds, and we all know what that means, still that I can not regret I guess, if I made her feel good enough that she thought she could deal with the world, but sadly she couldn't.
I am truly set upon this idea now, I had thought about suicide years ago, I know the spot, the place I want to be, I could go there and I know no one would be around, and it would be peaceful.
My mind set, I just have to struggle through another year. Day one down...
Thursday 16 June 2011
Following on, as it is my birthday
Following on from what I posted and since it is my Birthday, I am taking some time out to lay out my case for what I am going to do.
Having had the most horrible nightmare possible last night, and after looking at various things that I have in my life, I have decided that this will be my last year.
There really isn't much in this world for me, its the old thing, everything is against me, which is why they have the homosexual TV commercial running, things get better hold on.
As a Single White Male, who is not a homosexual, we are all sidelined. Nothing we do is important, because we are the majority, nothing we do is correct, because we are the majority.
Now we have to worry about 'Benevolent Sexism' because just doing something for a woman is wrong.
Now I hear you all screaming at the screen, don't listen to them, they are idiots, but no they are not. They have been given the time of day, they have been aloud to publish and start the debate, and because the debate has been started we will start to give a little, and that is only the start of the end.
Now, in all this reporting you don't hear them complaining about the way governments give women early pensions, and all the other perks, and if we stopped it, then you would see a fight, but No, we give them air time we allow them to talk and rave on about how bad we all are.
If we stopped doing anything special for rape victims because it is all the same, and should not be treated any different just because it happens to a woman, then you would see them up in arms.
No, the beginning of the end is here, as a white male there is nothing you are allowed to do, or have a say in because you are bad.
It is not only because of the above that has made me decided that this is my last year, but it is simply that I look forward and I do not see it getting any better.
The governments of this world, or those in power, have the upper hand and no matter how we the surfs rebel we will loose the fight.
I will make sure to write to my blog as often as possible now, as I do plan to make sure that I do get some enjoyment out of these last 365 days, while some of them will be taken up with arranging with the clinic and some interviews I am sure as to why I would want to end my life at the age of 45, but I really do not see things getting better.
Having had the most horrible nightmare possible last night, and after looking at various things that I have in my life, I have decided that this will be my last year.
There really isn't much in this world for me, its the old thing, everything is against me, which is why they have the homosexual TV commercial running, things get better hold on.
As a Single White Male, who is not a homosexual, we are all sidelined. Nothing we do is important, because we are the majority, nothing we do is correct, because we are the majority.
Now we have to worry about 'Benevolent Sexism' because just doing something for a woman is wrong.
Now I hear you all screaming at the screen, don't listen to them, they are idiots, but no they are not. They have been given the time of day, they have been aloud to publish and start the debate, and because the debate has been started we will start to give a little, and that is only the start of the end.
Now, in all this reporting you don't hear them complaining about the way governments give women early pensions, and all the other perks, and if we stopped it, then you would see a fight, but No, we give them air time we allow them to talk and rave on about how bad we all are.
If we stopped doing anything special for rape victims because it is all the same, and should not be treated any different just because it happens to a woman, then you would see them up in arms.
No, the beginning of the end is here, as a white male there is nothing you are allowed to do, or have a say in because you are bad.
It is not only because of the above that has made me decided that this is my last year, but it is simply that I look forward and I do not see it getting any better.
The governments of this world, or those in power, have the upper hand and no matter how we the surfs rebel we will loose the fight.
I will make sure to write to my blog as often as possible now, as I do plan to make sure that I do get some enjoyment out of these last 365 days, while some of them will be taken up with arranging with the clinic and some interviews I am sure as to why I would want to end my life at the age of 45, but I really do not see things getting better.
Monday 13 June 2011
Sir Terry Pratchett debates assisted suicide
Sir Terry Pratchett debates assisted suicide
This was a fantastic program and long may the debate run, at the age of, soon to be 44, I often think of suicide and how would I do it, and this is something that we must allow.
I don't have much of a wish to live much longer, as I have had, and enjoyed a very good live, and if it was legal and possible for me to to take my life legally without the fear of harrasment to those who I know, I would be greatful for the choice.
Wednesday 8 June 2011
Self Promotion
Shameless - I want more followers, so if you follow my blog, then get someone else to follow me as well and I will give you something....
Poor reporting, things that need saying...
Right, so now elections are all over and we can just sit back and get shafted by those in power while they take what they can get from us, lets review something that again no one will ask.
Strategic voting. This is something that is impossible, yet they roll it out as something that happens.
Now to explain the way a reporter should..
If you have 10 people in a room, and 3 are running for leader ship of the room, the worse you are going to get for votes is 8 for one person and two single votes (Note I assume that if your running you vote for yourself)
Now if you expand that to 10000 people (A constituency) you still get one winner.
Now multiple the number of constituencies, and you still can not have Strategic voting!
Or are you telling me that people are so stupid as to vote for the worst MP just because that gives the overall party one less MP?
If that is the case then my argument about the education system stands.
Strategic voting. This is something that is impossible, yet they roll it out as something that happens.
Now to explain the way a reporter should..
If you have 10 people in a room, and 3 are running for leader ship of the room, the worse you are going to get for votes is 8 for one person and two single votes (Note I assume that if your running you vote for yourself)
Now if you expand that to 10000 people (A constituency) you still get one winner.
Now multiple the number of constituencies, and you still can not have Strategic voting!
Or are you telling me that people are so stupid as to vote for the worst MP just because that gives the overall party one less MP?
If that is the case then my argument about the education system stands.
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